Nice girls, it’s time to get in line behind me
“You’re very direct for a woman,” the man said. We’d been discussing plans for my next book launch and when it comes to business matters, I am matter-of-fact.
I tilted my head and met his gaze. “Really? Would you rather we waste time talking in circles until you accurately guessed what I wanted?”
He furrowed his brow. “No,” he sputtered. “It’s just that — ”
“I’m not nice.”
“Well…”
As a girl, I learned the smile-even-though-I’m-dying-inside game. As a teenager, my deferential nature rewarded me with popularity. As a young woman in the male-dominated tech industry, I learned men thought women who pushed back were shrill and difficult, and I didn’t want that label. I wanted to be nice. I wanted to be the woman that my co-workers felt comfortable around.
My life goal was to make other people like me. I bent and twisted, trying to shape myself into what those around me found pleasing. I gave middle-of-the road, unoffensive opinions and formed my personality around whoever I was with.
I was considered ‘a very sweet and nice young woman.’
But being nice made me stressed. Being nice meant people took advantage of me. Being nice kept me from going after…
