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Both sides have it wrong
Yesterday, I absentmindedly scrolled through TikTok searching for BookTok content. I flicked past videos of twenty-somethings sharing their aesthetically-pleasing perfect days until a video with the headline, “1950’s woman meets 2022 woman.”
I stopped.
It was my first time encountering #TradWife content. For those not familiar, tradwives are mostly young, conservative, white women who choose to be stay-at-home girlfriends, wives, and mothers. Apparently, it’s a huge movement in conservative circles.
As I scrolled, I became obsessed. These mostly twenty-somethings baked, sewed, created gorgeous meals, and shared housecleaning tips. They were all immaculately dressed and their homes were pristine. They talked about creating a sense of peace and calm for their husbands and children, and prioritizing family time.
I also watched videos criticizing the tradwife movement. To my surprise, the counter videos rarely focused on the alt-right and religious component (I only learned about it from reading comments). The creators seemed to be mainly upset about three things: tradwives attaching their financial security to a man, their regressive definition of feminine, and tradwives rejection of feminism as they understand it.
To be honest, I’m conflicted. Many of these young women appear to be college-educated christian fundamentalists, but their desire to raise families and run a home isn’t any different than mine as a left-leaning San Francisco liberal in the early 2000’s.
As a forty-six year old mother of three who has stayed home since the age of twenty-four, I have experience with elements of their lifestyle. And when my marriage nearly dissolved, I lived the financial and identity nightmare many tradwives blissfully ignore.
Feminism and “femininity” are not mutually exclusive
Tradwives believe feminism is a dirty word. They narrowly define femininity as always looking pulled together, keeping a clean home, making lovely homemade meals, homeschooling their children, and supporting their husbands. These women do not work outside the home and their husbands provide for them financially. Feminists, in…
